Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
