I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
