His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
