sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
