i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
