all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
