I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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