Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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