I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
