you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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