Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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