I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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