Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
