So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
