Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
