she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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