My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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