yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
