you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
