I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
