I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
