A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
