No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Randomize
