Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
