closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
