So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
