hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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