Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
