Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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