I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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