I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
