i would punch a child for taco bell
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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