im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
