i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
