i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
