I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
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He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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