First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
