Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
