That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
