Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
