when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
