Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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