you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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