It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
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I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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