...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
