what day is it and did you see me today?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
