Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
