mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
two words...techno handjob
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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