if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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