wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
