i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
