Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
