I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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