You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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