Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Fuck me I smell like cheese
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
