Moan for me like Helen Keller
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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