drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
