today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
