before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
