I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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