Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
