She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
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