The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
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