We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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