I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
