dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
