so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
