I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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