so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
