She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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