She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
