I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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