Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
