ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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