I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize