I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
