girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
