Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
