i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
