1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
