like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I could make wine with my vomit
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
