So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
In America we eat man semen.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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