another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
